Positive Parenting: Helping Your Child Adjust to a New School

Dubai: Change is something a big majority of us will naturally resist, whether we are adults or children. Our minds are wired to seek comfort in the familiar, and any deviation from that comfort can be perceived as a threat. This is especially true for children, who naturally thrive in stability and familiarity. While adults may view change as a manageable part of life—like moving to a new house or starting a new job—children often see it as a daunting challenge, particularly when it comes to advancing in school or, even more so, moving to a completely new environment.

The Quiet Anxiety of Moving Up a School Year

As parents, we don’t always give much thought to our child moving up a grade. After all, the school remains the same, the friends are the same, and the home environment hasn’t changed. However, for children, the idea of moving up a year can be filled with anxiety. Even in the familiar surroundings of the same school, children might worry about whether their new teacher will be strict or like them, whether their old friends will still be friends, whether new classmates will be kind, and whether the academic work will suddenly become too difficult.

These concerns are amplified as children transition through different stages of their schooling. For instance, a child entering Secondary school—perhaps even at the same school—faces the prospect of meeting multiple new teachers, navigating several new classrooms, and adapting to a more complex timetable. The fear of getting lost, being late, or not fitting in with peers can be significant stressors.

By the time they are 14 years of age, these worries are compounded by the typical challenges of adolescence. Emotional changes, coupled with the pressures of growing physically and adjusting to new friendship dynamics can leave children feeling vulnerable and uncertain. Moreover, they are often asked to start thinking about their future career paths—something that can feel incredibly daunting when they’re still trying to figure out what they want to do next weekend.

Then come the exam years, from ages 15 to 18 where the pressures truly mount. Here, students are expected to choose subjects that may shape their futures, all while balancing the social dynamics of teenage life and the added pressures of social media. The stakes feel higher, the workload more intense, and the expectations from adults around them can add an extra layer of stress.

The Overwhelming Challenge of Starting a New School in a New Country

Now, imagine adding to this already challenging mix the prospect of starting at a completely new school in a different country. For a child, this scenario can be overwhelming. Not only do they have to face the typical anxieties of a new school year, but they also have to navigate a new culture in an entirely unfamiliar environment.

In this situation, everything is new. Everything familiar that gave them comfort – the house, their room, their routine, the people – is gone. As parents moving to a new country as an expat, it’s easy to believe that our worries and challenges are more significant than those of our children, but in reality, each person’s worries are significant to them, relative to their age and experiences.

For a child, the weight of adapting to a new school in a new country can be immense. The loss of familiar surroundings and routines can make them feel isolated and anxious, heightening their fears about fitting in and succeeding academically. This can be especially true if parents are preoccupied with their own adjustments, such as settling into new jobs or managing the logistics of a move and a new home, leaving less time to offer the reassurance and support that children need during such a transition.

Supporting Your Child Through the Transition

So how can you, as a parent, help your child navigate this challenging time? The key is to provide stability and understanding. While your child is adjusting to a new school, maintaining certain familiar routines can serve as a comforting anchor. Keep consistent bedtime schedules, family meals, and regular check-ins to talk about their day. Instead of broad questions, try engaging them with prompts like “What was the best thing / worse thing that happened today?” – this can be a more effective way to encourage them to open up. Turning this into a fun game around the dinner table, where everyone takes turns in sharing, including mum and dad, can create a supportive where your child feels safe to express their worries. These small but meaningful routines can help your child feel more secure in their new surroundings.

Introducing your child to the new school environment before their first day can also be incredibly helpful. If possible, visit the school together, explore the grounds, meet the teachers, and identify key areas like the cafeteria and playground. Familiarising your child with the layout and staff can help reduce the fear of the unknown.

Encouraging social connections is another important step. If you can get together with potential classmates before school starts this is a sure fire way to help them build connections and friendships which in turn will give them a better sense of belonging to their new school when that daunting first day comes. Most classes now have Whatsapp groups for the parents so ask the school for the details and join before the beginning of term.

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Equally important is keeping communication open. Let your child know that it’s okay to feel scared or anxious and that they can always talk to you about their worries. Put your phones down, make them the priority for a while, listen without judgement, let them get their point of view out and when they have exhausted this offer some positive reinforcement by maybe reminding them of past successes in adapting to new situations. Highlight their strengths and reassure them that they have the skills to thrive in their new environment.

Lastly, it’s crucial to approach this transition with patience. Adjusting to a new school, particularly in a new country, takes time. Be patient with your child as they navigate this period of change and celebrate small victories along the way.

Supporting your teenager through this transition

For teenagers, the transition to a new school can be particularly tough. The challenges of adolescence—navigating social dynamics, dealing with physical and emotional changes, and grappling with a growing sense of independence—are only magnified when placed in an unfamiliar environment. It’s not uncommon for a teenager to retreat into their room, shutting out the world, including you as a parent. They might seem distant, dismissive, or even resistant to your efforts to help. But despite this, it’s crucial for your teenager to know that you’re there for them, whether they need you to give them space or offer a listening ear. Some days, they may prefer you to keep your distance, while other days, they might need your closeness and support. Being attuned to their cues and letting them know that your support is unwavering, regardless of how near or far you are, can make all the difference in helping them through this difficult transition.

Embracing the Growth Opportunity

While this transition may be challenging, it also presents an opportunity for growth. Moving to a new school in a different country can teach your child resilience, adaptability, and open-mindedness. By framing this experience in a positive light, you can help your child see it as an adventure – one in which you are all in together.

In the end, the support and stability you provide during this time will not only help your child adjust to their new school but will also equip them with valuable life skills. As they grow and face future challenges, they will carry with them the confidence and resilience they developed through this experience, hopefully setting them on a path towards a successful and fulfilling life.

This article is contributed by Anne Jackson- Founder & CEO of One Life Coaching ME / Master Life Coach & Psychotherapist.

Anne is an Internationally renowned therapist and life coach with more than 14 years of hands-on experience in the UAE, working with a wide variety of clients in both the corporate and personal spheres, across many demographics, to foster psychological, emotional and mental well-being, leading them to greater success, authenticity and joy in life.

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